Sunday, June 12, 2011
Need answers? Start by asking the right questions
By Tori Vigil
We all have questions: about life, love, our purpose, and much more. Over the years I’ve found that the answers to our questions come in many forms. Sometimes answers come in the form of a person; perhaps a stranger, a friend, or family. Sometimes answers come through the circumstances in our lives; and sometimes answers come in that still small voice.
You have to be on the look out for your answers; expect an answer when you ask your question. No matter what question you are asking, I believe the universe will answer you. The problem, very often, is that we aren’t asking the right questions. To get a different answer, ask a different question.
For instance, I had a rough childhood and I would often ask why me? Why did I have to experience all those hardships? As I grew up the question didn’t seem to be getting the answer I wanted, so I changed the question. I began to ask; what can I learn from my past to make my future better? The answer was immediate, and specific. Then I started asking other questions. Why do some people learn from, and let go of their past; while others grow bitter holding onto their past forever? I asked three amazing ladies how they learned from their traumatic pasts, and the answers I got from that question lead to my book, “Outstanding Women Living Extraordinary Lives”.
What is the biggest question on your mind lately? How are you wording that question? Does the question itself focus on the positive, or the negative? The question itself really does make a big difference. The most successful people on this planet are those who aren’t afraid to ask questions, and they’ve learned how to ask them. In scripture God told Solomon to ask for anything he wanted, Solomon asked for wisdom. Because what he asked for was for the benefit of others God also gave him riches beyond imagination. Are your question self-centered, or for the benefit of all involved?
Here’s some examples of how you can change the questions you’re asking to get the answers you need. Anthony Robbins suggests that you ask questions that inspire, excite, and empower.
Questions focusing on the negative Questions focusing on the positive
- Why is this happening to me? What can I do to change things?
- Why was my past so horrible? What can I learn from my past?
- Why can’t I make more money? How can I add more value?
- Why is life so hard? What am I grateful for?
Sometimes things happen to us that we don’t like, or don’t understand. Continuing to focus on those things day-in and day-out doesn’t really help the situation. Taking time to change your focus toward a solution, rather than wallowing in self pity also changes your emotions, your perspective, and your thoughts. No one can change the past, so getting stuck in it by holding onto it only makes you feel worse. Learn from your past, learn how not to repeat it, learn how to help others who are also experiencing what you did, learn to love yourself.
Good luck on your journey of discovery, and spiritual growth.
Tori Vigil is an Author, Speaker, and Reporter in the San Lulis Valley http://torivigil.tripod.com
Posted by torivigil
at 10:15 AM MDT
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Is your past ruining your life?
IS YOUR PAST RUINING YOUR LIFE?
How women can heal from their past, and move on to a successful future
By Tori Vigil
Very often we live in our past allowing our past to control our present, and our future. I know with all my heart that every woman has a story to tell from her past that is interesting, unique, and like no one else's; an amazing story of strength and perseverance, of hope, and doubt, of good times and of struggles. Some stories are easy to tell, and others bare secrets we would much rather forget. One way to overcome our past is by telling our stories and freeing ourselves from the hold those secrets can have on us. Telling our stories can heal us, and can help others too. We were not meant to simply keep things bottled up inside. Every woman needs advice from time to time, and has advice to give as well. We could all use a little help finding out who we are, what we’re here for, how to make better choices, and what it is we we’re meant to do. How much easier would life be for all women if every woman shared her story, her wisdom, and her knowledge with others? Imagine if no one was afraid to say I made a mistake, and this is how you can avoid making the same one. If we had the courage to tell others where it is we came from and how we overcame the roadblocks in life. Truths should be passed from one woman to another, from one generation to the next; truths about finding true love, passion, faith, motherhood, and learning to trust ourselves. That’s why I became a speaker and host a weekly radio show. Another way to overcome our past is to write about it. I have been a writer ever since I learned how to write, as I was looking back at the things I had written in the past, I noticed a pattern: I write what I know, I write what I feel, I write to reflect on the things that have happened in my life. I write to promote my spiritual growth, I write to help others, and I write to heal. The process of writing something down, at least for me, is freeing; it lets out any negative energy, and allows me to see the situations in my life from a new perspective. If you learn from your writing, it also expands positive energy and promotes spiritual growth. I would have to say that my experiences with writing are very spiritual. It’s as if I step out of my problems, and hand everything over to God by writing things down. In doing so, I think that for a brief moment, God grants me the gift of seeing the words on the page through his eyes. From that divine perspective I’ve been able to take action; change what wasn’t working, appreciate what is working, be thankful for what I have been given, and wait in hopeful anticipation for the things I want and need. I’ve found that not only does writing help to heal myself, but it can and has helped others who have read what I have written; that is why I wrote my newest book “Outstanding Women Living Extraordinary Lives”. It’s my hope that in reading about my life, and the lives of the outstanding women I interviewed for the book who overcame some extreme traumas in their life, that you will be inspired let go of your past, and pursue your own God given destiny.
Another way to overcome the past is by changing your focus from past pain to future victory. You can overcome, and learn from what ever you may have experienced in your past, and use it to move onto a successful future. By pursuing your destiny you’ll have daily purpose, and a life lived with purpose is destined to be a successful one. There is no greater motivation than to love what you do, and do it because you love it; regardless of pay, status, or titles. Living with purpose makes getting up each morning a delight instead of a chore, as you look forward to the day and what might come to you at any moment. And what I’ve found is that in pursuing your purpose and being who you really are, money and success follow.
For more in depth information Pick up the 3 part Audio CD Series HOW TO DEAL WITH YOUR PAST at Tori's online store full of great products to help you grow spiritually http://torivigil.tripod.com/bio/id17.html
Posted by torivigil
at 11:57 AM MDT
Updated: Thursday, April 8, 2010 12:00 PM MDT
Thursday, February 25, 2010
The prayers of love
The prayers of love
by Tori Vigil
What is love?
1 Corinthians 13:4-5 (The Living Bible) “Love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, never haughty or selfish or rude, love does not demand it’s own way, it is not irritable or touchy, it does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong. It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices when the truth wins out.”
Do you have this kind of love in your life on a daily basis? I know that for me I’m not always patient, and sometimes I get irritable. It’s nothing to beat ourselves up for though. We are only human, and as humans we are not perfect. God understands this and he is in turn patient with us. He doesn’t hold it against us when we fall out of love, and he rejoices when we return to loves truth. This scripture refers to the truth about love. Godly love, real love (agape love) is patient. How does a person learn something new? They practice. So we must practice patience to become more patient. So very often when we are learning patience people and circumstances come up in our lives that try our patience, if we respond from the motive of love then patience grows in us. Love is content instead of jealous or envious. It’s easier to be content when we’re focusing on the blessings in our life rather than on wanting what others have; when we remember what God has done for us instead of wallowing in self-pity focusing on what he has not yet done. Love is modest and humble instead of being boastful, proud, haughty, or selfish. Modesty and humility are outward expressions of an inward self respect and respect for others. Love asks instead of demanding; knowing that what is being asked is for the benefit of all involved. Love chooses to be happy instead of being irritable or touchy. Very often we think of love as simply an emotion, and we think of happiness as a destination. Truthfully love and happiness are choices. If love were merely an emotion (something that changes depending on circumstances) God would not love us all the time, since his very nature is love if we did something unworthy of his love he wouldn’t love us. If love is a choice (the right, power, and preference) then God can and does love us in spite of our faults and weaknesses. Love is a choice. We too can choose love and choose happiness, since we are made in Gods image with the right, and power to prefer love and happiness over irritability and selfishness. Instead of keeping a record of wrongs, love keeps a record of rights. This is one of the best things you can do to grow in love. In my journal I write about the wonderful things my children do for me, the wonderful ways my husband appreciates me, then when I feel unloved I read it and remember the right things they’ve done. It change my focus, so I can choose to love them even though at that moment I feel unloved; in fact after reading my journal entry I often find I don’t feel unloved anymore. If you don’t like to write try keeping a “Happy Box” fill it with letters, pictures, cards, and trinkets that make you feel happy and loved then look in this box anytime you need to.
Question to consider:
Do I have this kind of love in my life? Why not?
Prayer for the day:
Lord show me that I am loving and loveable; that I am capable of giving love, and worthy of receiving love. Lord let your Agape love be at the center of my life
For more in depth information pick up the 3 part Audio CD, LOVE SERIES at Tori's online store http://torivigil.tripod.com/bio/id17.html
Posted by torivigil
at 4:19 PM MST
Updated: Friday, March 19, 2010 8:24 AM MDT
Friday, May 8, 2009
How to let go of the past
How to let go of the past
by Tori Vigil
I recently made a huge move with my family from Oregon back to Colorado, towing a moving trailer behind our mini-van. Our van crawled up the mountain passes at a snail speed of 20 miles per hour. Yet this is how life is for those who won’t let go of the past, they work hard, but only move along at a snails speed. They tow their past with them wherever they go, and keep filling up that storage trailer as they go along until life in general just feels like an uphill struggle everyday.
We only hold onto things that mean a lot to us, but those things may not necessarily be good for us. Change won’t come unless you get so tired of struggling that the need for change is stronger than the need to hold onto the past. At that point the universe will provide the opportunity for change. Whether that change is good or bad will greatly depend on you, not the circumstances surrounding you.
“You must take personal responsibility. You can not change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself.” – Jim Rohn-
You can’t change your past, so instead of towing it with you forever use your past to make your life better, and the lives of those you encounter. Take personal responsibility for your life. Don’t blame parents, teachers, family, or lack of family; all of which you had no control over and couldn’t change. Instead acknowledge and appreciate the things you can control, yourself, and the way you respond to the world around you. Courageously look inside that storage trailer and let go of the heavy load you’ve been towing. Use your past as a stepping stone to the life you’ve always wanted.
Part of letting go of your past may involve forgiveness, toward others as well as yourself. Forgiveness can be a very hard thing to give and a hard thing to receive as well. But forgiveness is a big step that many of us need to take in our healing process. All the bitterness, anger and resentment from holding onto the past can sit in your heart like a virus growing in strength, eating away at your spirit. You need to heal from your past and forgiveness may be your best way to recovery.
As anger grows it makes you feel as if that person owes you something, Guilt makes you feel as if you owe someone else something, and regret makes you feel as if you owe yourself something. When a debt is owed there are only two ways to get rid of it, pay it off or forgive it. Forgiveness does not erase what happened; it simply releases everyone from having to pay it back. If you continue to hold onto those debts you might be waiting for the rest of my life to be paid. When you really think about it you have to put a value on what is owed to you and for most of us that would be impossible, how can someone pay you for the loss of confidence and trust in yourself and others? A debt like that can never be paid. God doesn’t want you to wait around to be paid, he wants you to keep moving forward.
“Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you”. –Ephesians 4:32-
I find it’s amazing how some people can wake up each morning with a clean slate, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally; while others hold onto things as far back as childhood. But don’t worry if you have trouble letting go of the little things or the big things people do that disappoint you, or make you angry. You are not alone. There are a few steps you can take that might help on your journey of letting go of the past.
Creatively express yourself:
Express your emotions, and thoughts about your past in a productive and creative way. In the classes I teach I have my students do a drawing, a painting, write a poem, make a collage, or another creative art form to express their past. After they’ve expressed their past I have them express the future they want for themselves using the same art form. Put all your emotion, and thoughts into the project and you’ll find you’ve released most of that pent up stuff you’ve been holding onto.
Make a Gratitude Journal:
Many scientists today have studied and proven that gratitude, like forgiveness has many benefits. Taking time on a daily or weekly basis to write what you are thankful for raises your energy, and creates more positive emotions and thoughts. You don’t need to write an entire page, or a poem, you could just do a simple list of the things that really made you happy our touched your life that day or week. Eventually, you may be one of those people who wake up each morning with a clean slate, and a fresh start.
For more in depth information Pick up the 3 part Audio CD Series HOW TO DEAL WITH YOUR PAST at Tori's online store http://torivigil.tripod.com/bio/id17.html
Posted by torivigil
at 7:31 AM MDT
Updated: Friday, March 19, 2010 8:19 AM MDT
Thursday, January 8, 2009
THE POWER OF GRATITUDE
Acceptance of the present
By Tori Vigil
Humans are usually grateful for things that give us pleasure. We are, after all are very pleasure oriented beings. We seek pleasure everyday, and try to avoid pain. But why do we do that, why do we want to be grateful? Mostly it’s because we associate pleasure with gratitude. Some people find pleasure in small things, like acts of giving and kindness; for others they find pleasure in other things like making vast sums of money. Regardless of what it is that you associate pleasure with that is what shapes your decisions and your decisions shape your destiny. So, that being said, it makes sense to really know and understand what it is you are grateful for, and why. Gratitude has been researched and proven to be a key factor to happiness, and a more fulfilling life. Many scientists have dedicated their life to studying gratitude and its effect on our lives. There is a long list as to the benefits that gratitude can bring to our lives. Among that list is better health, which of course leads to a longer life span, increased energy, greater inspiration, as so on. “Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others”
In a 1998 Gallup poll, the majority of Americans said they expressed gratitude toward God (54%) and gratitude toward others (67%). What that means is that 33% of the time we either aren’t grateful, or don’t show it. These numbers only account for gratitude toward things we think are good, or pleasurable. Although gratitude is something anyone can experience those who are grateful more often are also happier, more forgiving, less depressed, and sick less often. Those people say they express gratitude even for the not so good circumstances in life, which means that to them what someone may normally consider as pain they decide to associate with pleasure simply by acknowledging that it helped them grow as a person and to them growth is pleasurable. To a person with that kind of outlook on life it is difficult for them to experience pain, simply because they don’t want to experience pain. Now of course they will experience pain, but probably less often the average Joe. “Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude.”-Denis Waitley-
Gratitude on a personal level for a job, a house, a marriage, children and the things we currently have or have been given in the past is great. I’d like to take it to the next level. Gratitude on a universal level says you are grateful for life, love, freedoms, time, space, others, ideas, concepts, your ego, hardships, and blessings. It’s not necessarily something you have to concentrate on continually once you allow gratitude to become part of your underlying thoughts. This will happen over time, for some it may only take a short amount of time to become a continually grateful person, and for others it may take a little longer. This type of continual gratitude isn’t connected to circumstances because it is a choice. You are choosing to be grateful for your life no matter what the circumstance may seem like at any given moment. “Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, and confusion into clarity.... It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.”-Melodie Beattie-
Eventually gratitude will cease being something you do, and it will become a part of who you are. You’ll stop saying “I am grateful for--” and you just say “I am grateful”. It may be a process. You may have to start with small things. Be grateful for breathing, music, failures, or weaknesses. Think of gratitude as a magnifying glass that allows you to see something good you couldn’t see before about a situation or experience. You are then magnifying the good, concentrating on the good and in turn attracting more good things to you.
"If you concentrate on finding whatever is good in every situation, you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude, a feeling that nurtures the soul."-Rabbi Harold Kushner-
For more in depth information pick up the 3 part Audio CD, THE POWER SERIES at Tori's online Store http://torivigil.tripod.com/bio/id17.html
Posted by torivigil
at 12:01 AM MST
Updated: Friday, March 19, 2010 8:24 AM MDT
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